my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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