So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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