Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
