I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize