NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
