im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
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Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
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Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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