so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Houston, we have a blender
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
