when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Randomize
