it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
either way he was missing a nipple.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
