my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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