Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
