just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
