He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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