Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
