I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
