listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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