Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
not ubering you a puppy
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
