Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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