So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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