I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
