I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
