he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
