I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
