Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize