I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
