do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
