So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well I just put wine in my tea
Randomize