dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
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Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
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Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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