There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
