I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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