you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
