So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
