TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
