Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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