i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
