i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
