shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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