you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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