White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
