Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
