I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
