Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
