the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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