just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
