for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
