if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
