If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
