Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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