I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
