She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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