Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
