Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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