My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
