He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
