Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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