Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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