the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
