very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I looked at my own cervix.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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