I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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