Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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