Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
