Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
