Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
this is an emotional support booty call
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
