My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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