I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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